Which cases are handled and what are the interests of the parties?
The following combinations of themes can be found in domestic violence cases:
- ongoing intimate partner violence;
- violence as unique escalation;
- violence related to marriage separation/relationship break-up;
- permanent harassment of desired partners (i.e. phone terror, threats, waylaying, stalking).
From the perspective of the women harmed in domestic violence, the punishment of the man does not solve any of their problems: neither the act of violence nor the history were discussed, existing conflicts still remain unresolved, the fear of further conflicts and more escalation still exists. Sometimes the women also suffer punishment if, for example, the man receives a court fine, because the money is paid from a joint account. Sometimes the women want to avoid a long and anxiety-ridden lawsuit or they simply don’t want their dirty laundry washed in public.
Many women only want to have rest and peace from their ex-husbands; they want to be secure in their everyday lives and they want to finish their relationships with these men. They want their ex-partners not to phone or send emails, texts or gifts any more and to avoid those places where they might encounter each other. Sometimes answers to important questions need to be found, such as, ‘who owns what?’ ‘what will happen to the children?’ etc. Occasionally it is necessary to regulate things like compensation for damages or injuries. Sometimes the women request that the men attend for alcohol therapy or take full responsibility for their actions and work on changing how they behave. The outcomes of the mediation are monitored by WAAGE. Often there is another meeting after three to six months to review progress on their agreement.
The men who accept the offer of WAAGE to take part in a victim—offender mediation have different motivations. Sometimes they want to explain themselves or minimise their behaviour; other times they seek reconciliation, they want to apologise or they want to clarify things concerning the separation (i.e. right of the contact and access to the children, the distribution of possessions etc.). And at times they probably participate in the victim—offender mediation to be seen in a more favourable light and thus influence the court outcome.